Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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