your thong is hanging out like whoa
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
