i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
