Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
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Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
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i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.