Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
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Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
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I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive