Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.