Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.