wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Floor bacon is actually really good
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