Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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