so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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