I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
