Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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