Christians are straight up FREAKS
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
