So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
