i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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