Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Randomize
