Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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