At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
