If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
