Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
