and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
