i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
