she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
40s are totally the cure
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Randomize
