you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
