after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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