could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
