420 ftw
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
