he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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