I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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