It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
