Will you blow on my dice?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
