we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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