It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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