Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
