I accidentally had phone sex last night
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
