yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
