is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
