She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
