good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
