i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
