i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
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I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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