His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
