I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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