I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
