Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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