Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
