why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
