THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
That reminds me...we need to get swords
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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