You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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