its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
