I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
