why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
