i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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