I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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