meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
