Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Randomize
