I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Randomize
