Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
