alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
