the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
home. puking in laundry basket.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
