I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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