He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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