Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
