I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
