do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
