Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
