Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
