We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
