hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
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I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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