Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
