His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
