there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
No...this little piggys going to the bar
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
