Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
