Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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