I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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