we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
