I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
