the condom got lost in my hair
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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