i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
