yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
