I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
