I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
operation harelip BJ is a go
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
