Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
