so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
