I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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